


Cool

by maschoi (zaynandlouis)



Series: the 5 stages of puberty [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Denial, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Puberty, Slow Build, Underage - Freeform, also could be classified as angst ig but i'm not tagging it, it's not smutty at all because this starts out super underage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 21:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21106370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynandlouis/pseuds/maschoi
Summary: kihyun knows the younger boy's embarrassed, knows how much changkyun hates losing his cool. changkyun's main objective in life seems to be remaining cool, these days.





	Cool

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't published a fic in two years but i've got about four changkyun x kihyun one's half written and this one made it to the finish line first, so here we go. au of underage, public school!changki. 
> 
> the clown obsession is totally self-serving, but changkyun's just so fucking weird and he real life cried when he watched venom and i love him so much.

two study reviews and a book report. that's what kihyun has due by friday. four midterms and a group project. that's what kihyun has to prepare for over the weekend. 

two large cokes and a popcorn, extra butter. that's what kihyun's pulling a twenty out of his wallet to pay for. 

he doesn't even get to count his change before changkyun's taking it from the attendant, slipping it into his own back pocket. kihyun rolls his eyes. 

"brat," he accuses, handing their tickets over as they pass the velvet rope. the attendee hands him back their stubs with a nod. 

"i need it for lunch money, hyung," changkyun shrugs, making his way to theatre 8 with a little too much pep in his step. he must really be excited about this one. "it's expensive now that you're not around to feed me." 

kihyun rolls his eyes again. sometimes he can't tell if changkyun misses him or his home cooked lunches more. he swears the boy's lost five pounds since the semester started two months ago. 

"what would you have preferred me to do, kyun? fail the eighth grade so i could continue sharing my lunch with you?" 

changkyun huffs, his reply hushed as they push the heavy theatre door open and make their way up the ramp into an already dim theatre. "we still ride the same bus. you could just bring me my own containers in the morning. or feed me breakfast. options." 

kihyun considers this while he follows changkyun to their usual spot. second row from the top, center seats. the theatre is pretty empty, which is also usual. they'd developed the habit of seeing movies their last week in theatre a long time ago. kihyun can't remember when, but he also can't remember the last time he sat in a packed theatre. they enjoy being able to exchange comments, theories, being able to laugh as loud as they want without any dirty looks.

kihyun also enjoys the limited audience to him hiding behind changkyun when he's tricked into watching the scarier showings, but he keeps that reason to himself. 

"i'll bring you muffins in the morning," he grumbles, trying to minimize popcorn spillage as they take their seats. 

changkyun's mouth stretches into a grin too cocky for his age, his eyes already glued to the previews flicking across the projected screen. 

two hours and twenty minutes. that's how long venom is. kihyun would guess it's around the one hour mark when changkyun starts wiping tears away, trying to be discreet by using his sleeve. 

kihyun knows the younger boy's embarrassed, knows how much changkyun hates losing his cool. changkyun's main objective in life seems to be remaining cool, these days. 

so he says nothing. he pushes his shoulder against the slighter one beside him, resisting the urge to drop his hand into changkyun's lap. he knows he won't take it. 

the rest of the movie passes by like background noise for kihyun, spending it trying to pinpoint the exact day changkyun became too cool to hold his hand instead of paying attention. he knows he'll be in trouble later, on the walk home, when changkyun wants to painstakingly review every scene, but he can't seem to get out of his head. that's become a reoccurring problem lately.

there are a couple possibilities. there's changkyun's last birthday, when he'd asked his mom if they could start interviewing clowns a month before the party date. she'd put it off too long and kihyun thought he might just witness a murder when changkyun's dad walked in wearing a foam red nose and proceeded to pop every balloon animal he attempted. 

hours. changkyun had slept at kihyun's house that night, and spent hours sprawled in kihyun's bed, lamenting about how _no one_, specifically his parents, understood him. kihyun had tried to point out that he'd gifted changkyun a clown figurine for every birthday since his seventh, but deaf ears and all that. 

changkyun went home the next morning with a a small cardboard box he'd dug out of the recyclable pile in kihyun's garage and collected all the aforementioned figurines from their place on his desk, packing them haphazardly and shoving them into a dark corner of his closet. kihyun had pretended not to notice their absence the next time he was in changkyun's bedroom, had swallowed the lump in his throat mid-way through summer when he'd found them while looking for a spare game controller after a jammed joystick interrupted one of their all-nighter gaming sessions. 

that was when changkyun decided he wanted to be cool, so maybe it was also when he decided he was too cool to hold kihyun's hand. 

there's also the last day of his own eighth grade year, when grades had been finalized and the principal had given his year-end speech and they'd let all the students spend the last few hours of school in the assembly haul to sign yearbooks and give the younger students time to say their final goodbyes to the "seniors" of the middle school. kihyun had followed hoseok and hyungwon to the top of the bleachers, spending the next hour pretending he wasn't looking for changkyun in the crowd of gangly, awkward kids every time he looked up from whoever's yearbook had made its way to his lap. 

he'd busied himself with discussing high school electives and how great it would be to have classes with hyunwoo again by the time he finally spotted changkyun. well, more accurately, heard jooheon coming and belatedly realized it was changkyun tagging behind him on their way up the bleachers. 

"hi, hyungs!" jooheon had greeted brightly. they'd all greeted him in return, hoseok quickly tackling him into a headlock and reminding him he was in charge of team spirit on the school's wrestling team in his hyung's absense. 

they'd spent the rest of the afternoon exchanging memories, reminders, _i'll miss you'_s and summer plans. kihyun had thought his friends were being a bit dramatic. hyunwoo had left for high school last year and they'd all still stayed in touch. they'd all been split up when the transition to middle school began too, although hyungwon hadn't joined the group yet back then, but it had turned out fine. so why would this be different? kihyun just didn't do well with dramatics, at least those that weren't his own. 

so he really didn't know how to react when, after release and just a block from home, changkyun stopped dead in his tracks and opened his mouth with tears in his eyes. 

"are we going to hang out this summer?" 

that was the last time changkyun cried in front of kihyun until now, so maybe it was the last time he held his hand, too.

two solid possibilities, but neither of them correct, and kihyun knows it. kihyun knows they probably helped with the lead up, but he also knows what the final straw was, even if he doesn't want to admit it to himself. he doesn't want to admit that it's his fault. 

but it is. he can blame changkyun wanting to be cool, can blame what's now undeniably puberty setting in hard with the younger boy for how he won't hold kihyun's hand, how they no longer fall asleep intertwined but instead neatly arranged on opposite sides of whoever's twin bed they fall asleep in during sleepovers. kihyun's almost surprised changkyun is still willing to step foot in his bedroom, so he really can't be too sore about the lack of physical affection. 

his brain still wants to explain it away, to excuse his culpability with the fact that he, too, is still in the full swing of puberty. changkyun likes to exaggerate kihyun's age, but two years older hardly puts him out of the danger zone. the danger zone being totally random boners that absolutely do not have any correlation to changkyun's voice starting to drop just as summer started. 

that's what kihyun had been telling himself, at least. he'd really sold himself on it too. all-nigher gaming session boners were caused by the friction of moving around in his partially deflated beanbag chair too much, not from the curses that left changkyun's lips as they played. the twitch in his pants when changkyun would change into sleep pants right in front of him because he always had and why would it change now? that was just his imagination. the morning wood that kihyun would have to carefully peel himself out of bed to go take care of in the bathroom when changkyun would sleep over? just a coincidence that it never happened when he slept alone. and if it did correlate, it was purely the heat of another person exciting his dumb, teenage body and not_ changkyun_. 

that's what he'd been able to sell himself, until the dreams started. everyone had wet dreams during puberty, kihyun had reasoned with himself. there's probably a much smaller subset who have wet dreams about their best friend, but kihyun had never been that special, so he felt it was safe to assume he couldn't be the only one. besides, he'd tried to stop. he'd tried to think about pretty, feminine lips and the curve of the girl who sat in front of him in sixth grade science's back and anything but changkyun as he fell asleep. 

so it should be clear that it's not like he had meant for _it_ to happen. it's not like he had planned to wake up like he had so many times before, hard and sticky with sweat. and he definitely hadn't planned to wake up with his dick pressed against changkyun's bottom, clammy hand clutching at the younger boy's waistline. he still wasn't sure if the shirt changkyun had worn to bed had ridden up in the night or he'd rucked it up himself in his sleep.

kihyun shivers, thinking about his hands snaking their way under changkyun's shirt of their own accord making his zipper strain and bringing him back to reality. 

he coughs, glancing over at changkyun, noting that he's no longer crying but that there are tear stains on his cheeks. it's endearing. he takes the popcorn bucket from its discarded position in the empty seat to his right and sets it back in his lap. 

he has no idea how long he was lost in his thoughts, no idea how much more of the movie they have left. it's probably best if he catches the end though, at least, since it's his only hope at bullshitting his way through their post-movie review. the last thing kihyun wants to deal with tonight is an angry changkyun. 

which is different from the morning_ it_ happened. that morning, kihyun prayed to god, to the rising sun, to the devil himself, for anger. he had prayed for a "stop", for a slap on the hand. something, anything that would mean _no_. all he'd gotten was a slight stiffening of changkyun's body when he woke up enough to realize what was happening.

the rest of the memory is in jump cuts. the sound of a deep breath in when kihyun's body froze in return. the sound of a deep breath out when kihyun retreated backward off the bed, tripping over someone's shoes, his or changkyun's he couldn't tell in his haste. the sound of the bathroom door slamming closed behind him, his own breathing loud in his ears as he turned to stare at himself in the mirror. 

the sounds that followed that he _knows_ changkyun heard, because goddamnit is there any level of humiliation that can kill a teenage boy's boner? 

the silence of changkyun, lying on his back with his phone held above his head, thumbs moving across the screen to check his notifications when kihyun finally found the courage to show his face like it was any other morning they'd spent together over the past ten years. 

changkyun had played it cool. and for once, kihyun was glad changkyun had decided to be cool. 

if they can still do this, can still spend their tuesday nights seeing movies in their last week at the theatre, kihyun paying like always and walking changkyun home at the end of the night, most likely past his own house to kihyun's, to kihyun's room, to kihyun's bed - just safely on his own side of it, kihyun can deal with that. 

he'll find some time between studying over the weekend to mow the grass, make some extra pocket money so they can get candy at whatever movie changkyun wants to see next week. he'll listen to changkyun talk about how much he relates to venom all the way home, never mentioning the tears they both know he saw. and lastly, the only one that'll really give him any trouble, he'll try not to feel the hurt in his chest when he thinks about how changkyun doesn't hold his hand anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> there will (most likely) be additional chapters or one-shots published under a collection in this universe, because i love baby changkyun rejecting kihyun too much to not continue lol.


End file.
